FFJunkie07

Hello lovelies, it's been a while. I don't even know if anyone remembers that I exist on here, lol. Suffice it to say I'm back.

This is the first journal post i've made in quite some time. I suppose I should fill in what followers I may have on here as to what's been happening.

well, first of all, i've been back at college, and in the residence halls no less. Unfortunately, my school ethic is almost nonexistent due to mild-severe depression and anxiety, but i've been talking with a counselor and have been feeling better.
My grandfather passed away on December 19, gods rest his soul, and that's helped with aforementioned depression.
I've been struggling with a gender identity crisis for about as long as the depression's been around, and that hasn't helped, but i've been making headway there too, and once i have a steady job and income, and a way to get to Fargo, where the nearest Gender Therapist is, i plan on making my way there to talk to them.

I had a question for you folks as well, should you read this. I have a friend who i have had feelings for, and had an abortive one night stand with (awkward night, almost went all the way, but awkward), and who said had feelings for me the night of, but has been with other people and has been completely oblivious to my almost blatant affection. They're currently dating, and seem happy, but it tears me up inside whenever i talk to them, and they come to me for advice a lot. How should i go about telling them there's still something there for me, and if they aren't willing to give a relationship a go, go about breaking the friendship off, because i can't keep stringing myself out on the vague hope that they'll notice me.

and I came up with this a wee bit ago, it's a rewrite of the reconstruction era song "I'm a Good Ol' Rebel".

I'm a Lunar Rebel, now that's just what I am.
And for this Solar Empire, I do not give a damn.
I'm glad I fought again' her. I only wish we'd won.
I ain't asked any pardon for anything I done.

I hates the solar empire, and everything they do,
I hates their awful system, and I hates celestia too,
I hates this solar nation , tis drippin with our blood,
and I hates the celestial banner, i'd fit it all i could.

I rode with Princess Luna, for two years, maybe three,
Got wounded in four places and I starved at Everfree.
I caughts the pox of Cutie, while campin' in the snow.
But I killed a chance of Solars and their frozen Windigoes.

Three hundred thousand solars lay stiff in lunar dust,
We got three hundred thousand before they conquered us,
they died of lunar fever, and lunar steel and shot,
I wish't it were three million, instead of what we got.

I can't take up my weapon, and fight 'em down no more.
But I ain't gonna love 'em, now that is certain sure.
And I don't want no pardon for what I was and am.
I won't be reconstructed and I do not give a damn.

I'm a Lunar Rebel, now that's just what I am.
And for this Solar Empire, I do not give a damn.
I'm glad I fought again' her. I only wish we'd won.
I ain't asked any pardon for anything I done.
Oh, I ain't asked any pardon for anything I done.
The Moon Shall Rise Again!

I just bought a Graphics Tablet. It's a Wacom, and i'm going to be giving it a shot. Expect crappy artwork to be posted soon

Ya know, quite a few people remark upon my worldview and think I'm older than I let on.
I'm just an 18 year old Southern raised kid who sees the world a little less muddy than most.
It gets me thinking though, I often feel like an old soul in a new world, and I'm a tired soul at that.
I don't laugh as much as I used to, though gods know there was a time just a few short months ago that I wasn't laughing at all.
The Brony community, of all things got me back on track with my life, instead of just sitting in the rut  of depression I'd dug for myself, and it got me thinking some more....
There are some truly beautiful souls out there in the world, and we are all capable of changing history, given the right push.
Problem is, how do ya know when you've been pushed?